Why would anyone crash a Christmas parade? Before 9/11, before Columbine, we dressed in black (save for the marching band uniforms) and entered the Greenville, SC Christmas parade as The Emperor Chaos and His Court. Strictly speaking, we didn't crash since we paid the entrance fee. And it was festive: The Emperor sporting a cow's pelvis crown over his cowl, some of us throwing candy or reading from Gunga Din, everybody waving. Of course Stacy wore nothing underneath that glossy vinyl coat salvaged from the Salvation Army, but nobody knew until later. As Minister of Disinformation, I blared white noise from disassembled boombox speakers duct-taped to my head, so I never heard the cops coming. Escorted to the city limits—again. The Sunday paper said we were Satanists, and that made it even funnier. True story. Merry Christmas.